FOR MY KIDS, WHO I LOVE THE MOSTEST!!

THIS BLOG IS FOR MY KIDS, IF ANY OTHERS WANT TO READ IT THAT IS OKAY TO. I KNOW MY KIDS READ MY BLOG, SO I AM WRITING THESE THINGS FOR THEM TO CHERISH. TODAY IN RELEIF SOCIETY WE HAD A MOST INSPIRING LESSON, IT IS ONE OF THOSE LESSONS THAT JUST KEEP YOU THINKING AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID ALL DAY AND MORE THEN HALF THE NIGHT I WAS UP THINKING ABOUT THE THINGS THAT I AM INSPIRED TO WRITE AT THIS TIME. THE LESSON WAS ON TIMES IN OUR LIVES THAT WE HAVE FELT THE SPIRIT AND HOW WE CAN USE THOSE TIMES IN OUR FUTURE LIVES TO HELP US WITH STRUGGLES AND TO UPLIFT US. THE TEACHER CHALLENGED EACH OF US TO WRITE THESE THINGS DOWN SO THAT IT NOT ONLY COULD HELP US, BUT HELP OUR CHILDREN. IT IS FUNNY HOW THINGS FALL INTO PLACE IN LIFE, JUST A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, I WAS TALKING TO ONE OF MY KIDS ABOUT TIMES IN MY LIFE WHEN I HAVE FELT THE SPIRIT WORKING, SO I GUESS I FEEL VERY IN AWE RIGHT NOW TO BE ABLE TO LET MY CHILDREN KNOW HOW BLESSED I HAVE BEEN IN MY LIFE TO FEEL THE SPIRIT. I WILL START WITH THE EXPERIENCE I WAS TALKING ABOUT A FEW WEEKS AGO TO MY CHILD. I HAD THE SWEET BLESSING OF BEING ABLE TO GO TO THE NURSING HOME DURING THE WEEK AND BE WITH MY MOM WHEN SHE WAS SICK, DADDY USUALLY TOOK YOU TWO GIRLS SO THAT I COULD JUST HAVE SOME ALONE TIME WITH MY MOM. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT TWO WEEKS BEFORE SHE DIED, I HAD BEEN WITH MOM FOR MOST OF THE NIGHT, SHE WAS PRETTY SLEEPY THEREFORE SHE DIDN'T TALK A WHOLE LOT, BUT I WAS JUST CONTENT TO BE ABLE TO WATCH HER, I STARTED TO NOD OFF A LITTLE WHEN I HEARD HER TALKING TO SOMEONE, I SAT UP EXPECTING TO SEE A NURSE THERE, BUT THERE WAS NO ONE THERE, SO I JUST LISTENED. TEARS FILLED MY EYES AND THROAT AS I WAS ABLE TO WITNESS THIS BEAUTIFUL SCENE. I SAW MY MOM REACH FORTH HER HAND AND CALL TO HER MOTHER WHO HAD PASSED EARLIER, SHE JUST KEPT ON SAYING MOM, MOM, MOM NOTHING ELSE WAS SAID, BUT I KNOW THAT MY GRANDMA WAS THERE IN THAT ROOM TO COMFORT HER, THIS LASTED FOR ABOUT 4 MINUTES AND THEN MY MOM JUST DRIFTED INTO A VERY PEACEFUL SLEEP, I WILL NEVER FORGET THE PEACE SHE HAD ON HER FACE. I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FEEL THE PRESENCE OF MY FATHER AT TIMES IN MY LIFE, ONE VERY SWEET TIME WAS WHEN I WAS GOING INTO HAVE CHEROKEE, I WAS FEELING SO ANXIOUS THE NIGHT BEFORE AND I JUST COULD NOT SETTLE DOWN, SO DADDY ASKED UNCLE KIM TO HELP GIVE ME A BLESSING, AS THEY STARTED THE BLESSING I COULD FEEL UNCLE KIM'S HANDS AND DADDY'S HANDS ON MY HEAD, THEN I FELT A THIRD PAIR OF HANDS AND I HEARD A VOICE INSIDE MYSELF TELL ME IT WILL ALL BE OKAY, "MY LITTLE CRICKET." I KNOW THOSE HANDS WERE MY DADDY'S AND THAT I WAS BLESSED TO BE ABLE TO FEEL THEM TO BRING ME COMFORT. ANOTHER TIME THAT I WAS GUIDED BY THE SPIRIT WAS WHEN GRANDPA CARRILLO DIED, DADDY WAS HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME ONE NIGHT, I FOUND HIM SOBBING DOWN STAIRS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, I WASN'T QUITE SURE HOW TO COMFORT HIM. HE WAS REALLY STRUGGLING WITH THE FACT THAT HE DIDN'T GET TO SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH HIS DAD BEFORE HE PASSED. I SAT THERE NEXT TO HIM AS HE POURED HIS HEART OUT TO ME, I WAS SCARED BECAUSE HE WAS SO UPSET AND I HAD NEVER SEEN HIM THIS WAY, I PRAYED IN MY HEART FOR HEAVENLY FATHER TO HELP ME. MINUTES LATER A SWEET SPIRIT CAME OVER ME AND THE WORDS OF A LOVING FATHER CAME THROUGH TO HIS SON, I WAS ABLE TO TELL DADDY THINGS THAT I KNOW GRANDPA WOULD HAVE WANTED ME TO TELL HIM AND IT BROUGHT PEACE TO HIM.
I WANT YOU KIDS TO KNOW THAT THE SPIRIT HAS WORKED IN SOME BIG WAYS IN MY LIFE, BUT MORE IMPORTANT IS THE SMALL UNDENIABLE WAY HE WORKS INTO MY HEART EVERYDAY AS I READ THE SCRIPTURES AND PRAY. LAST YEAR MOM READ THE BOOK OF MORMON THRU WITH A REAL PURPOSE, THE PURPOSE DOESN'T REALLY MATTER BECAUSE IT WAS MET, BUT THE THINGS I LEARNED THROUGH THE HOLY GHOST IS WHAT I WANT TO SHARE. EACH DAY I WOULD TRY TO PRAY AND ASK HEAVENLY FATHER TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND AND TO BE ABLE TO APPLY THIS KNOWLEDGE IN MY OWN LIFE, I FELT PEACE LIKE I HAVE NEVER KNOWN IT, AND A BURNING IN MY HEART TO READ THIS BOOK UNTIL I FOUND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR, SOME NIGHTS I DIDN'T WANT TO PUT IT DOWN AND I FELT SUCH AN URGENCY TO READ ON. I KNOW THAT IF YOU ASK OF GOD WITH A PURE HEART AND SEEK, IT WILL BE GIVEN, THIS I KNOW TO BE TRUE. PRAYER IN MY LIFE IS ANOTHER TIME THAT I HAVE FELT SUCH PEACE, THERE ARE NIGHTS WHEN I JUST SAY MY PRAYERS SO THAT I CAN GET INTO BED, THESE HAVE BEEN LEARNING NIGHTS, I START OUT SIMPLE ENOUGH, BUT THEN I HAVE JUST BEEN OVERCOME WITH THE SPIRIT TO PRAY FOR DADDY OR ONE OF YOU, OR JUST TO TAKE THE TIME AND REALLY HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH MY HEAVENLY FATHER AND LET HIM KNOW HOW THANKFUL I AM FOR MY LIFE, THESE PRAYERS HAVE BEEN SUCH GREAT TEACHING MOMENTS IN MY LIFE, THEY REMIND ME OF A SAYING THAT LINGERS IN MY MIND AFTER EACH PRAYER-"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM HERE!" THERE HAS BEEN MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE AS I AM SERVING THE LORD IN A CALLING THAT I HAVE BEEN INSPIRED TO DOING SOMETHING, I ACTUALLY WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT A TIME WHEN SOMEONE ELSE WAS INSPIRED TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. I KNOW YOU KIDS REMEMBER CAREEN HANSON, SHE WASN'T ACTIVE IN THE CHURCH, BUT SHE WOULD COME VISIT TEACH ME AND LEAST TWO OR THREE TIMES A YEAR. THIS WAS BEFORE I EVEN KNEW TO MUCH ABOUT HER AND HAD THE CHANCE TO WORK WITH HER IN YOUNG WOMEN'S. SHE WAS KIND OF A HARD WOMAN, SHE HAS HAD A HARD LIFE AND WASN'T REALLY ONE THAT WOULD SAY A WHOLE LOT, WELL SHORTLY AFTER I HAD A MISCARRIAGE I WENT INTO A DEEP DEPRESSION, I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THIS, OTHER THEN YOUR DADDY AND I EXPRESSED TO CAREEN ONE DAY LATER, HOW MUCH HER VISIT DID. ANYWAY, I WAS SO DEPRESSED THAT I STARTED THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE AND HOW EASY IT WOULD BE JUST TO END IT ALL AND NOT FEEL ANY MORE PAIN, I EVEN WENT TO THE CUPBOARD TO SEE HOW MANY PILLS I COULD ROUND UP, I NEVER ACTUALLY TOOK THEM OUT THOUGH, HEAVENLY FATHER GUIDED ME BACK TO THE COUCH WHERE I JUST STARED OFF INTO SPACE. I HEARD A KNOCK ON THE DOOR AND I WASN'T GOING TO GET IT, BUT THE POUNDING CONTINUED, I FINALLY GOT WHAT IT TOOK TO GET UP AND ANSWER THE DOOR. THERE CAREEN STOOD, SHE TOLD ME SHE HAD NO EXPLANATION WHY SHE WAS THERE, ONLY THAT SHE KNEW SHE NEEDED TO BE THERE, SHE SAT DOWN AND TALKED TO ME FOR A FEW HOURS AND I POURED MY HEART OUT TO THIS WOMAN WHO I THOUGHT WAS SO HARD. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT CAREEN SAVED MY LIFE THAT DAY, I AM NOT SURE WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF SHE WOULD HAVE NOT LISTEN TO THE SPIRIT, BUT I AM SO BLESSED THAT SHE CAME OVER AND HAD THE SPIRIT WITH HER AS SHE TALKED TO ME. I CANNOT STRESS TO YOU KIDS HOW MUCH YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER LOVES YOU AND IS ALWAYS WATCHING OVER YOU ALWAYS!!! MOM AND DAD HAVE HAD THE INSPIRATION AT TIMES WHEN WE DIDN'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN FOR OUR FAMILY, WE HAVE HAD SUCH SWEET PEACE IN PRAYING AND GOING TO THE TEMPLE TO FIND ANSWERS, WHEN WE MOVED TO IDAHO I KNOW IT WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST CHOICES WE HAVE EVER MADE, IT IS STILL HARD AT TIMES, I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED LAST SUMMER WHEN WE PUT THE HOUSE UP FOR SELL. I WAS DETERMINED LAST MAY TO GET THE HECK OUT OF IDAHO, I HAD ENOUGH, I WAS BEING SELFISH, BUT I DIDN'T CARE I WANTED OUT. I BASICALLY TOLD DADDY THAT IF HE DIDN'T GET ME OUT THEN I WAS THROUGH WITH IT ALL, I WAS VERY STRESSED AND EMOTIONAL. I HAD MANY FEELINGS OF BITTERNESS WITH THE PEOPLE IN OUR WARD AND I WASN'T WILLING TO FIND PEACE IN ANY THING. SO BEING THE WONDERFUL DADDY THAT HE IS, HE CALLED AND GOT A REALTOR OUT TO THE HOUSE REAL FAST. AS THE SUMMER WORE ON, I WAS MORE DETERMINED THEN EVER TO GET OUT OF HERE, WE LOOKED AT HOUSES, GOT THINGS PACKED, GOT LOTS OF BOXES, HAD TONS OF PEOPLE COME THRU OUR HOUSE AND MADE ARRANGEMENTS. WELL SOMETIME IN AUGUST WE HAD A VERY INTERESTED COUPLE, THEY HAD BEEN THROUGH THE HOUSE A COUPLE OF TIMES AND I KNEW THEY WOULD MAKE AN OFFER SOON. WELL DADDY CAME HOME AND WE HAD WENT TO TOWN FOR SOME GROCERIES, WE CAME BACK AND HE PULLED THE CAR INTO THE GARAGE, I GOT OUT AND RAN INTO THE HOUSE TO OF COURSE USE THE BATHROOM, WHEN I WENT BACK INTO THE KITCHEN, I LOOKED AROUND FOR DADDY, I COULD HEAR HIM OUT IN THE GARAGE SO I WENT OUT TO HELP. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW OUR HEAVENLY FATHER ANSWERS PRAYERS IN THAT QUIET WAY OF LETTING THE HOLY GHOST INTO OUR HEARTS, I OPENED THE DOOR AND SAW DADDY JUST STANDING THERE LOOKING AROUND, A FEELING OF SUCH PEACE CAME OVER ME AND THE SPIRIT SPOKE TO MY HEART, I HEARD THE WORDS, "THIS IS WHERE YOU NEED TO BE RIGHT NOW," AND THEN JUST LIKE THAT I CALLED DADDY IN AND TOLD HIM I NEEDED TO TALK TO HIM NOW, HE SAID WHAT ABOUT THE STUFF AND I TOLD HIM IT COULD WAIT. I TOOK HIM INTO THE FAMILY ROOM WITH THE PHONE AND TOLD HIM TO CALL THE REALTOR AND CANCEL OUR CONTRACT. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER WE GOT A CALL FROM A REALTOR WITH A OFFER ON THE HOUSE, I HAVE SUCH PEACE IN OUR CHOICE AND I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO LET GO OF THE BITTERNESS IN MY HEART SINCE THAT DAY, IT IS SO AMAZING WHAT OUR HEAVENLY FATHER WILL DO FOR US, IF WE DO OUR PART. I WILL NOW TRY TO WRITE MY EXPERIENCES DOWN FOR YOU, MY KIDS AS THEY COME IN MY LIFE. ONE MORE THING I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT, I HOPE YOU MY KIDS NEVER FORGET THE MIRACLE THAT WE AS A FAMILY WERE ABLE TO WITNESS, NOT MANY PEOPLE GET MIRACLES IN THEIR LIVES, SO ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW BLESSED WE ARE. I KNOW THAT YOU WILL REMEMBER HOW HARD IT WAS FOR OUR LITTLE SQUISHY TO COME INTO THIS WORLD AND THE STRUGGLES THAT FOLLOWED, I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT A NIGHT AT THE HOSPITAL, THAT I KNOW YOU WILL REMEMBER. WE TOOK ALL OF YOU UP THERE TO SEE THE LITTLE SQUISHY, I KNEW AS SOON AS WE WALKED INTO THE HOSPITAL THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG, I HAD THE WORSE FEELING IN MY STOMACH, I TOLD DADDY YOU BETTER CALL AND SEE IF SHAWNA CAN COME AND GET THE KIDS. I WAS SO BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH A WILLING SISTER TO COME AND TAKE CARE OF YOU KIDS THAT NIGHT. THE NURSES TOLD US AS SOON AS WE WALKED IN THAT THEY HAD BAD NEWS, OUR LITTLE SQUISHY PROBABLY WOULDN'T MAKE IT THRU THE NIGHT, HIS LITTLE KIDNEYS WERE NOT WORKING RIGHT, I DON'T REMEMBER A TIME IN MY LIFE THAT I HAVE BEEN SO SCARED AND YET I FELT THAT WARM PEACE OF THE HOLY GHOST WITH ME. DADDY AND ME DECIDED WE HAD BETTER GET A HOLD OF THE BISHOP AND SEE ABOUT GIVING THE LITTLE SQUISHY A NAME AND BLESSING. REMEMBER BROTHER SECRETAN, HE CAME UP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE WITH HIS SWEET WIFE TO OFFER US COMFORT AND LOVE. WE GAVE CASH A BLESSING THAT NIGHT AND YOUR FATHER BEING THE WONDERFUL PRIESTHOOD HOLDER THAT HE IS, BENT DOWN AND KISSED MY FOREHEAD AND SAID, EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY CHERISE. I WILL NEVER FORGET HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO LEAVE THE HOSPITAL THAT NIGHT, THEY WOULDN'T LET US STAY BECAUSE OF NICU RULES, I HARDLY SLEPT THAT NIGHT AND FIRST THING THE NEXT MORNING I HAD DADDY CALL. I THINK I STARTED CRYING BEFORE HE COULD EVEN TELL ME THAT ALL SQUISHY'S TESTS CAME BACK NEGATIVE AND TO THIS DAY HE HAS NEVER HAD PROBLEMS. THIS IS OUR MIRACLE AND I NEVER WANT YOU KIDS TO FORGET THAT HEAVENLY FATHER DOES EXIST AND HE KNOWS WHAT IS IN OUR HEARTS AND LIVES AND HE HAS BLESSED OUR FAMILY TEN-FOLD. THERE IS NEVER A DAY THAT DOES NOT GO BY THAT I DO NOT THANK HIM FOR THE MIRACLE OF LIFE AND THAT I HAD THE CHANCE TO SEE IT IN MY LIFE. I LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU AND I HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE HOLY GHOST WITH YOU TO GUIDE YOU AND TO INSPIRE YOU TO ALWAYS DO GOOD IN YOUR LIVES, YOU ALSO WILL BE BLESSED TO HAVE SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES IN YOUR LIVES, DON'T SECOND GUESS THEM LET THEM COME AND LEARN FROM THEM. THEY CAN BE A BRIEF LOOK INTO WHAT I BELIEVE CAN BE HEAVEN. I LOVE YOU, LOVE YOUR MOM